Where is the Grass Greener?

I’ve encountered the adage, “The grass is greener on the other side of the fence,” in classes, in books, and in everyday conversation. From online browsing, I discovered that it exists in French, Italian, and Japanese too, almost word-for-word. Psychologists have used it, calling the condition “grass-is-greener syndrome.” It pops up everywhere because it provides us with fundamental insight about ourselves, and about how we perceive our society.

There is a traditional, reductive interpretation of the adage. There is also a more open- ended interpretation that I’m interested in. Essentially, the “grass is greener” adage encourages us to focus on ourselves so that we don’t strike so many comparisons to others; comparisons that make us unhappy.

The traditional interpretation is a warning. You often hear people say, “The grass isn’t greener on the other side of the fence”. You shouldn’t feel dissatisfied comparing yourself to others because their situation isn’t as great as it seems. However amazing the belongings of others may seem, acquiring them will not make you happier. So be content with what you have.

While that interpretation is true, it simplifies the saying into an optimistic redirection of your gaze. There’s more to it, though: it raises a broader question about gazing. Why are we so engaged in this act of perception, when our perception makes us feel badly about ourselves?

The “grass is greener” saying warns us not to focus on perception.

Instead of looking at my friend’s Tesla, I could be learning how to drive. Instead of complaining about others having less homework than me, I could be doing homework. Remember, your perception of the “grass on the other side” is most likely wrong. How are you going to accurately place yourself into a classmate’s situation? If they don’t have an AP Chem test coming up, they might have some other academic mountain, an upcoming sports tournament, or relationship challenges. There’s no way of knowing. Even if you ask, you won’t get the whole picture.

Look less. Do more. Don’t obsess over your neighbor’s greener grass. Go water your lawn!

The grass-is-greener syndrome especially applies today in social media. FOMO, Fear of Missing Out. You see someone or something online and you believe they really are that insufferably hot all the time, or have that much fun regularly, which means you’re inferior. That’s usually not the case, though. Even people who appear put-together in every post have bed-head sometimes. Parties look much more enjoyable in single moments than they really are (that’s not just me, is it?). I think appreciatively looking at what others are up to through social media is good for friendship and the community, but I and 75% of young adults (who according to a 2019 BU study struggle with FOMO) find a fine line between scrolling casually in a friendly mood and obsessing over how much better, prettier, and neater others’ lives are.

This applies to so much: athletic competition, social life, and academic achievement. Not necessarily jealousy, but a perverted, exaggerated admiration of others emerges as a catalyst for negativity in our community. Sometimes it’s good to admire others. At other times—maybe most times, during the basic flow of our day—it’s better to focus on what we’re doing, who we are, and what, personally, we want.

Where is the grass greener? That’s a bad question. The grass will always be greenest when it is our own.